When I became pregnant with Suzanne, my husband asked me when we could tell people.
“Whenever we want”, I said.
“No, I mean, when is it safe to tell people.”
He meant because 80% of miscarriages happen in the first trimester.
I would like to break down two things from this statistic.
- That does not mean that every single tragedy will happen in the first trimester. Reminder: a tragedy in pregnancy can happen at any time.
- When you say women should not announce that they are pregnant until they are out of their first trimester you are saying that they should not have a community of support in case miscarriage happens.
I’m not saying that the day that you get two lines on the stick you should post something on social media. But I’m not saying you should feel the need to refrain this knowledge and joy from people who are close to you. People like your friends and family and maybe even close co-workers.
When I was pregnant with Suzanne I had envisioned some cute way of telling all my coworkers, later when I was a little further along. But instead I had one droopy-sad first trimester day and my co-workers wanted to know what was wrong with me because they were concerned. How could I hide how sick and tired I was all the time? That’s another thing about the first trimester – it’s awful! Let’s not keep people in the dark.
On that note, if something were to happen to my daughter during my pregnancy wouldn’t I want my co-workers to know why I was having such a hard time? Wouldn’t I appreciate their comfort and accommodations for me and for my family? Wouldn’t my friends want to know what was wrong so they could give me the support they would if any other relative had died?
Not telling people does not make your pregnancy nonexistent, it just means a lack of community if something unfortunate happens.
My point is, tell people when you want to tell them. Don’t feel like you have to wait for your second trimester when statistics, blogs and probably your family say that it’s appropriate.
My name is Jessie, and as I write this, I am seven weeks pregnant.