Ever since I was in High School, I was one of those people who had a ton of acquaintances – but only a few close friends. That trend followed me into my college and through post-college life. My two best friends moved across the country finally landing in Wisconsin and New Hampshire; which was fine because we were able to text, email and communicate daily.
When I joined the workforce, I made work friends that I would gladly attend Happy Hour with, and often joke along with at work. But we never made it much past work friends, and I was always fine with that. Soon I met my husband and with his unique work schedule, I treasured every free weekend we had together. My husband had a close group of friends, so we often hung out with them and they quickly accepted me into their social circle. They generally did not have long lasting girlfriends or wives, so I was still missing that female connection.
The next chapter of my life brought me to motherhood. What anyone who has been the mom of a newborn has realized, is that motherhood can be awfully lonely.
I love my son more than anything, but I was used to working 40 hours a week. Now I sat at home with my son, felt the pressure of all the internet posts that I wasn’t creating daily lessons for my week old son to learn. I felt that tug of sadness coupled with guilt for even feeling sad in the first place. I got out of the house as much as possible; the park and story time are fabulous activities, but not for a 3 week old.
I eventually made my way back to work, submerged in adult conversation, feeling like myself again and valuing my weekends off with my son and husband. Sure, I would meet the occasional mom at the park, but nothing ever “stuck”. And to be fair, it wasn’t for lack of these moms reaching out.
I was the one who often said no to plans until one day they stopped asking.
In my mind I only had a few days with my family after a full work week; so I wasn’t going to make plans to hang out and do playdates! What kind of mom would do that?! The unfortunate part was I would see these moms post pictures on Instagram of birthday parties or playdates that I inevitably wasn’t part of, and I felt the sting of guilt and pain of sadness. Sure I could handle it, but my immediate thought was, “why were they excluding my son”? But, of course they weren’t. They had asked me numerous times to hang out, and I always said no because that was the time I chose to spend with my family.
Missing out on Mom Friends
Enter my second child. I realized Maternity Leave is a lot more fun and entertaining when you have a toddler around! I now had the time to take my son to art class. We went to story time and the park, all with little sister in tow.
I started to meet and talk to moms, and that’s when I realized it; I had really missed a lot about life, kids and being a mom by not having mom friends!
It sometimes makes me sad to think of how much I missed that first year by not having any close mom friends near by. There is a lot to be said about commiserating over your screaming child (while drinking wine), and knowing you’re not being judged.
I felt like I didn’t know the best baby brands, toys or foods because I had no one to talk to. I felt like my son missed out “making friends” and playing.
Flagstaff Moms Blog was created not only for our love of Flagstaff and the community, but to be honest, I wanted a close support system and community for myself. So if you are a mom reading this and you find yourself in my words, I encourage you to join in our community.